Pieces of Me

All Quiet

The times when we are quiet the most are the times when we have the most to say. I have not written here for a long time. Five and a half weeks to be exact. I think this is the longest spell in the three years that my little space has existed that I have not written here. But then in those three years life has not been as turbulent or BIG as it has been this year.

So, so, so much has been happening. Good things, bad things and things in between. There is so much that I want to capture, write down and share. Yet, there are some things I am still trying to process, understand and the words escape me. All in good time a little voice in my head says.

That little voice has been my saving grace this year. Never have I clung to the wisdom, the reassurance, the deep set knowing that comes from the little voice. Maybe the voice is my intuition, my gut feeling. Maybe the voice belongs to someone or something far greater than me. Either way I have been nothing but grateful for the voice and many nights I have drifted off to sleep beckoning the voice to speak to me and remind me that everything is going to be ok.

In the noise and chaos that seems to be crashing on itself this year the voice is my quiet. Maybe that is why I have been absent from here for so long. For I have been in conversation with the voice and it has been my safe place, my good place, the place where everything makes sense and when it doesn’t I know in time it will.

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Sometimes I think the little voice inside my head is the one who types out the words that are written here. Maybe not always, but then again, maybe always. It is the one thing I come back to always. Knowing that when my words lie dormant all it takes is one conversation with the little voice for the words to unravel again, come to life and play out in vivid stories.

Sometimes it does not even take a conversation, it simply takes a moment for me to sit still, be quiet and listen. When I do the narrative is there. And I am always ever so grateful.

So here is to picking up where we left off. Not to starting over and not to new beginnings. Because I think there comes a time in life when we need to own our decisions and our choices, more so than dismissing them and looking to start over.

I sit here surrounded by a house full of mess from the weekend, long overdue neglected spring cleaning tasks from last year, to-do lists that could form a thesis and pages of words in my head and my heart that I want to sit down and share. I sit here in the grasps of a year that is proving to be unrelenting, a year with little reprieve, but a year that I will no longer be held hostage to.

Writing these words today has sent a feeling of lightness right through me. An invigorating lightness that I hope becomes addictive again.

What is the one good thing that has happened in your life in the past five weeks?
Is this year holding you hostage?

 

Linking up with #IBOT
Did you catch my last post Conversations with Coming Home?

  • I’ve missed you Josefa!
    I hope you continue to feel light so that we can continue to read you.
    In the last five weeks … well … gosh …. lots and lots and lots.
    The best things have been Chelsea getting the all clear for her latest cancer check (phew) and Tahlia getting the thumbs up from her surgeon which means her bar will be taken out of her chest next year. Yup! They were both awesome results.

    • Leanne they are AMAZING results! So so awesome, sending big happy hugs your way, thank you so much for sharing xx

  • LydiaCLee

    This year has been a little crap and a little good…but I’m at an age where the crap just rains down on me (or more my friends). It sucks getting old. I need some new young friends getting married, having babies and generally with the good news…That said, I’m more than happy with what I have (who I have) in my life. Just wish life didn’t get so sucky at times….

    • Life does get sucky and its yuk when it does. I love that you wrote that you are more than happy with who you have in your life – despite the year it has been for me, the people who I fill my life with – well they are what makes it all worth it xx

  • Beautifully expressed lovely. I will be sharing this because the message is so important in many ways. I love that you stayed away when you needed to and just wrote the words in silent exchange with the voice inside. I love that you are listening to it.
    Not loving that your year is unrelenting though and for that I send love and light. All will be well.
    My year is stressful and intense as I adjust to a new normal of working on my business while still pulling primary duty on the Homefront. It is what it is. Still having an incredible year, just hard xxxx

    • It seems incredible and hard go hand in hand for so many of us this year Deb, maybe one of the lessons for me to learn was to listen to that voice and step away from the things that I had to – just to get through. So many lessons. xxx

  • We’ve missed you. But keep listening to that voice, she is wise.
    The best thing that has happened to me? It’s just that I’m in a contented place right now, and that is all I ask of life. xx

    • Being in a contented place is an exceptional place to be, so happy for you Jodi and yes that inner voice is wise, I cling to her in gratitude on many a night xx

  • Beautiful, as always. I have had a very turbulent year so I can relate. And it’s not over yet. How I long for an idle day to enjoy the “quiet” of which affectionately speak x

    • Turbulent – that is a good word to describe the year Michaela. As for the quiet – it only exists in the late of night in my mind (and that’s not even on every day). My days and week roll into turbulence. Seems to be the way this year is for so many of us, sending big hugs xx

  • Listening to your own voice is a gift and you are using is gift wisely. My year has been the biggest life change I could have imagined but I forgot to take into account its effects on my emotional well-being. Already fraught from the decision to finally retires from all paid work at 65, sell our family home to become mortgage free and have some cash, stop caring for our beautiful grandkids as they grew and started school & moved from Sydney to the Central coast with hub I thought life at a quieter pace would be good. Too long to write more but it’s taken almost 9 months for me to start to feel like I can be who I need to be now. Rough road this life journey. Take care! Denyse

    • Denyse all that is SO huge! wow! I think you raise something so important, when times are turbulent we focus so much on getting through and getting by we neglect to think about how it will impact on our emotional well being and then crumble under its effect, I’m slowly learning to be more aware of this xx

  • I’ve struggled to write much / any personal stuff on my blog lately so I’ve just been focussing on my book reviews. (That changed today, but not sure it’ll continue.)

    I’ve just enrolled in a writing course which I hope will build my confidence and perhaps allow me to make some money from freelancing, so… am looking forward to that!

    • Oh good luck on the writing course! When I did my freelance course it was a game changer for me and I absolutely loved it xx

  • I very much feel hostage to this year. Too much change. I got my probation confirmation at work recently which was one good thing in a few very hard weeks.

    • One good thing – yay! and congrats! Sometimes all we need is one good thing. I know this year for me has been strung together by little good things keeping it all together somehow xx

  • My past five weeks have been involved in toilet training my son. Fun times. This year has been great to me. My blog has started, and it is going well. Sometimes I think I might take a few weeks break, as you did, but somehow I just can’t not blog. It really is good therapy for me.

    • I completely understand blogging as therapy and congrats on starting the blog – that is awesome! Good luck with the toilet training… 🙂

  • I’m sorry it’s been such a tough year for you Josefa. I miss ‘seeing you around.’
    My year has not been holding hostage, but it’s definitely been stretching me. My capacity has been expanded through sheer necessity, but also in good ways.
    I would like to just take a break though at some point. Not sure when that will happen.

    • I like the imagery of stretching through sheer necessity – I think that has been on some parts of this year. I miss “being around” Jess, nice to be back here and back on #IBOT xx

  • I’ve missed you Josefa. The blogosphere is not the same without you. Your voice is very much a favourite of mine to hear and read. As for the voice you’re listening to, take the time needed to process through what you’re going through. It seems to be the year of burdens and change. I haven’t found this year to be fun either. Xx

    • Bec what a beautiful thing to say, thank you. Part of me has really missed being here, other parts of me have enjoyed the break. The year of burdens and change – I like that, maybe it means it is also a year of growth, or at least I hope it is xx

  • Good to see you back here!

  • Welcome back Josefa, I’ve missed your beautiful words but I understand that sometimes we just need a little space and time. I hope you feel confident of tackling your piles and lists and to do’s one little step at a time and making time to write because you do it so well.

    • I think I am juggling both ok at the moment, the writing is important to me so I don’t want to let that slip again if I can, thank you for your lovely words x

  • I always get a little excited when I see you pop up in my Facebook feed or see that you’ve published a post. Your words are always so beautifully crafted. I truly hope writing will become addictive for you once more. I’m feeling so caught up in life and mess and everything lately my words have not come so easily at times. I often think about taking a break, but I’m not sure. Five weeks out could do me a world of good 🙂 Anyway good to see you back xo

    • A break is always a good thing, even in he face of the fear of stopping. Always good to be back Renee xx

  • Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect

    Even though it has been a few weeks, good to see you back again.

  • Sometimes we need to take time out from everything, even writing. I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough year. I can concur this year has been shit. But through sharing our highs and lows in our written words it does lighten us and helps other know they are not alone. Go well. Zoe xx

    • I completely agree, sharing our highs and lows through our words might just be the comfort someone needs on a particularly tough day x

  • Lorna Dykstra

    I think that my work holds me hostage sometimes. I am always dreaming of breaking free but it’s not a decision that can be taken lightly.

    • Oh work holds me hostage, especially when my hours are longer than other weeks, but that is part of life too I guess and we need to make it all work somehow xx

  • Sometimes a time out is the best thing you can do, to reassess and just be! Writing can be emotionally and intellectually exhausting at times. Welcome back 🙂

    • It can also be mentally and emotionally fulfilling, which is why it is sooo good to be back x

  • Welcome back:) And thanks for linking with #TeamIBOT x

  • I need to converse more with my little voice. I have a tendency to ignore it and get on with other things. So not right! I’m always happy when I see you’ve posted, but I totally get that sometimes that might take a while. Sometimes our lives are speaking so much to us that there is not a lot more to say online! My best bit in the last 5 weeks has been that I’ve got a brand new full time editor’s job. I can’t say any more just yet, but it’s a doozy and I’m grateful and excited! x

    • A HUGE congrats on the editors job Bron cannot wait to hear more about it! So happy for you!! I totally agree with the idea of our lives speaking to us so much that there is sometimes little left for online – it became that way for a little while this year xx

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