The times when we are quiet the most are the times when we have the most to say. I have not written here for a long time. Five and a half weeks to be exact. I think this is the longest spell in the three years that my little space has existed that I have not written here. But then in those three years life has not been as turbulent or BIG as it has been this year.
So, so, so much has been happening. Good things, bad things and things in between. There is so much that I want to capture, write down and share. Yet, there are some things I am still trying to process, understand and the words escape me. All in good time a little voice in my head says.
That little voice has been my saving grace this year. Never have I clung to the wisdom, the reassurance, the deep set knowing that comes from the little voice. Maybe the voice is my intuition, my gut feeling. Maybe the voice belongs to someone or something far greater than me. Either way I have been nothing but grateful for the voice and many nights I have drifted off to sleep beckoning the voice to speak to me and remind me that everything is going to be ok.
In the noise and chaos that seems to be crashing on itself this year the voice is my quiet. Maybe that is why I have been absent from here for so long. For I have been in conversation with the voice and it has been my safe place, my good place, the place where everything makes sense and when it doesn’t I know in time it will.
Sometimes I think the little voice inside my head is the one who types out the words that are written here. Maybe not always, but then again, maybe always. It is the one thing I come back to always. Knowing that when my words lie dormant all it takes is one conversation with the little voice for the words to unravel again, come to life and play out in vivid stories.
Sometimes it does not even take a conversation, it simply takes a moment for me to sit still, be quiet and listen. When I do the narrative is there. And I am always ever so grateful.
So here is to picking up where we left off. Not to starting over and not to new beginnings. Because I think there comes a time in life when we need to own our decisions and our choices, more so than dismissing them and looking to start over.
I sit here surrounded by a house full of mess from the weekend, long overdue neglected spring cleaning tasks from last year, to-do lists that could form a thesis and pages of words in my head and my heart that I want to sit down and share. I sit here in the grasps of a year that is proving to be unrelenting, a year with little reprieve, but a year that I will no longer be held hostage to.
Writing these words today has sent a feeling of lightness right through me. An invigorating lightness that I hope becomes addictive again.
What is the one good thing that has happened in your life in the past five weeks?
Is this year holding you hostage?