Conversations over Coffee

Conversations with Winter

Winter has always deflated me. Each one has cast me into the depths of the winter blues. Every year, plagued by the bite of frozen winter mornings and entombed by the darkness of short winter days, I hold my breath for three months while waiting for spring. I sit crouched in the corner, hugging my knees and rocking, wishing for the sharp chill in the air to pass and the constant drizzle to subside. In my mind, winter is monotone, a palette of grey, black and white. The season has always lacked any life, any air or any possibility.

Winter

For what feels like my whole life I have spent each winter waiting. All winter I wait for spring, wait for the end of the year, wait for summer holidays. This year, for the first time, I do not feel the same. As the wind turns colder and the leaves begin to fall I do not feel deflated. Instead, to my surprise, I feel invigorated. The difference is that I am no longer waiting. Every winter till now, I have sat behind the veil of what I thought was my dream. I thought it was to be married and be the perfect wife. But I have my happily ever after, only to realise that this is not my dream. I thought it was to have a family and be the perfect mother. But I have the pitter-patter of tiny feet down our hallways, only to realise again that this is not my dream.

Dream

My dream is to write. It always has been. Every winter, I have braced myself against the cold, and the gloom, cowering in the freezing temperatures; all the while ignoring the loud, hungry call of my dream.

The warmer months of spring and summer always offer many distractions. Christmas celebrations, holidays away and long hot nights are my escape. When the sun shines high in the sky, there has always been another voice to listen to. The carefree whispers of the summer breeze always leave me feeling that life is eternal and dreams can wait, until just one more day is spent in the sun. Yet, each year, when winter settles in the buried voice crescendos. Every winter I strike battle with my own inability to take the reins and pursue something I have always wanted.

Write

So this year, as the dark winter nights close in and icy winter mornings start to nip, I’ll be wrapping myself up in my new coat. I will be pulling on my new boots and cuddling up in the new scarf my mother bought me. This winter, my conversations will be about characters and storylines. The heavy rains that fall on those raging winter nights will be the symphony of tragedy and the love that unfolds with my words. I will entertain a plot, empower a heroine and turn pages of possibility over and over.

This winter I will be sharing my coffee with my words. For too long, I have spent my winter nights tormented by the season. This winter, I embrace the change and the chance to finally write and change the palette to one of vibrant colour.

Do you hide from winter?

 The next Conversations over Coffee link will open on

Thursday June 27, 2013 (7am EST)

The theme is Conversations with the Mirror ~ everyone is welcome xx

 





  • Kate

    I can so relate to this post! I always feel that I ‘waste’ winter. Hibernate for three months, always get the blues which leads me dangerously close to depression… though like you, this year I have plans to write, write, write! Also eat well, exercise and wear colour! Nothing like a rainbow umbrella on a cold, wet day to fight off the winter blues. Beautiful post, as always. Thanks for the inspiration and allowing me to join in.

    • I love the idea of a rainbow umbrella and wearing colour! I always get stuck in wearing black for most of winter – maybe it is time to change that perspective. Your post was heartbreakingly beautiful, thank YOU for linking up xx

  • I guess it’s because I’m on the Gold Coast, but winter isn’t USUALLY too bad here! Maybe you should move? 😉 x

    • Can you imagine it is that easy?? We have plans to spend some time up there over summer, but a winter escape would be much better xx

  • Seems we are in a similar place Josefa. Will think of you as I tap away at the keyboard xxx

    • I think there is something soothing about the sound of tap-tap-tap on the keyboard as the rains fall outside, don’t you think? xx

  • Sophie Allen

    That is so me! My hubby jokes that Masterchef comes on just at the right time to get me through winter. I count down the days to the solstice too, then happy that spring is on the way for sure. I don’t mind winter so much if I am not cold. So soccer mornings do not help! I used to be a skier, but haven’t been since having the boys. I don’t mind the cold if I can ski!

    • Sophie, I’m going to guess those winter mornings are freezing down your way! Thankfully, the only sport the boys do early on a Saturday morning is swimming, inside a hot, heated indoor pool! xx

  • bodyandfeetretreat

    I got so inspired reading these winter posts I am off to write one myself so I can link up too !!!
    I hope you get heaps and heaps and heaps of writing done – good luck !
    Have the best day !
    Me

    • This comment really made my day ~ thank you for taking time out to join in our winter conversation ~ I’m getting more and more tempted by these winter’s in the North xx

  • I do hide from winter – but not this year. This year I am embracing it in all its freezing glory.

    Trying to.

    • I am trying as well, I can’t spend three months feeling deflated – so as Emily said I am going to “rug up and get on with it” and maybe tap out a few words too xx

  • I love winter. Always have. I hate summer – the heat saps all energy from me until I feel like a big puddle on the ground. But in winter, I just rug up and get on with it.

    • Love the imagery of being a big puddle on the ground in summer, never really thought of it like that xx

  • Rach

    I love this sooo much. It’s written so beautifully Josefa. I look forward to more words and more coffee xx

  • Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me

    Beautiful words. I hope I get to read about some of your heroines one day 🙂

  • LydiaCLee

    you need to send a reminder around the week before! Old ladies like me forget!

  • Leanne Shea Langdown

    I get the winter blues. Silly that I live in Canberra then. It takes quite a bit of nurturing and a big old Hawaiian escape to get me through these colder months. So far so good though! Touch wood …
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit

  • Malinda

    Brrr, winter blues can so easily put you in a rut and it was so lovely to read about how you plan to make the most of rugging up and writing. I get a bit down in the dumps when it is cold and wet day after day but you have made me think about making the most of it and doing something positive with those winter blues.

  • This is our real first winter in a very long time, we have spent the last 19 years in QLD at Winter time so we haven’t really experienced the cold. Till now! We are in Wollongong and we are trying to get used to having to keep warmer.
    I thought I loved the cold, but now I am keen for the heat of the sun 🙂
    And I like how you are embracing this winter – with writing.

  • Nikki@WonderfullyWomen

    Even though Brisbane winter is not ‘that’ cold, to me it still is yuk! I love warm, shorts, beach, and drinks full of ice. I don’t hide away, but I do wish it away. Good luck with the ‘words’. Get your passion, boils away in me every day too! xx Nikki

  • Pip

    Ah Josefa – you’re words are food for the soul. What sensational advice and I agree – time to practice mindfulness and embracing those log fires, those toasty warm coats and the gorgeous silhouette of a black bird on a stark twiggy tree – Winter we are ready.

  • Robyn (mrs D)

    You write so beautifully! I see winter here so differently. In the UK it really is as you’ve described – cold, bleak and grey and it just goes on and on and on. Although it gets pretty chilly here too I just love the huge endless blue skies and sunshine that comes hand in hand with the crisp, cold air!! Rug up – it’s only three months xxxxxx

    • I only experienced UK winter for a brief time, don’t think I could last through the entire season!

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