Nine Months More

Curiouser and Curiouser

Ten years ago I had no idea what it meant to be a parent. There I was in my effervescent maternal glow, ready to burst at the seams pregnant with AJ. All the glory and radiance of impending motherhood around me and no clue whatsoever what lay ahead. How could anyone possibly?

Motherhood, birth and parenting are not mutually exclusive to each other. They take work. Hard work, dedication, soul searching and honesty. Raw honesty about the people we are before conception and the people we deconstruct and rebuild after our children come into our lives.

I have been a parent for ten years. In that time, I know very few things with absolute certainty. One is that parenting is an evolution. With each goal post and check point we reach, we need to stop and re-evaluate. A new strategy, a moment to reflect and gather before we move on. At the moment we are lined up at three goal posts: support them, evoke their curiosity and just be.

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Support them. Not just through their illnesses and their first day of school. But support the things my boys hold important in their life. Pokemon Go, Minecraft, talking like the BFG, seeing Nanna every week, choosing names for their YouTube channel and more. Their ideas, their passions are something we openly embrace and the whole family supports and gets excited about. The conversations flow, the ideas flow and keep us all together. It also opens the conversation for our boys to get excited about what we do too. Excited that mum is writing a book and giving Dad tips on what soccer drills he should use for the team on the weekend. Four lives, just as important as each other.

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Evoke their curiosity. I cannot begin to tell you how important this has become to me. As their mother, as their friend, as someone I want them to look up to. Curiosity drives me. I want curiosity to drive my boys. Drive their passions, drive their interests, drive their boredom. Planting the seed of curiosity in as many different ways is something I am making an extra effort to do. Often it is as easy as a conversation. A what if moment to get them thinking. Sometimes it is encouraging them to do something new. Whatever it takes, curiosity is a priority.

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Just be. Some days it means we all kick back on the couch together, some with a book, others with a tablet, some watching the latest soccer game. No set agenda, no set rules, just be. Home is more than four walls, a garden and a front door. Home is a sense of belonging. A feeling that you can just be with the people you love most and in that moment need nothing more. A comfort knowing that the outside world is exactly that – outside. Knowing that these quiet moments are as important as the celebrations, the holidays and milestones combined. This is the safety net, the security blanket, the chicken soup that takes time to boil and is essential to the soul.

I will never stop learning how to be a parent. I will never be blinded that even with my best of intentions I may not succeed. But that won’t stop me from trying. That won’t stop me from changing my ways. Evolving as times change, as needs change, as I change. My boys will grow and change no matter what I do.

Birth does not automatically flick the switch on for perfect parenting, more so in a world where perfect parenting does not exist. Little things that make my relationship with my boys’ work, little things we can build on, that is a start.


What goal posts are you standing at?

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  • Curiosity. Yes! I have a blog post in my drafts folder on how much I love that my kids are curious and how I can support and nurture their curiosity into adulthood. It’s a value I hold very dear. Beautiful post Josefa.

    • I think it is a value we can afford to hold dear Jodi, love that you can relate to this post, can’t wait to read your post once it comes out of the draft folder xx

  • Yes, I want my girls to be curious and I want them to act on that curiosity to discover new things. Parenting is an evolving role that I’m not sure I’m succeeding at either, but I’m determined to teach my girls to ask questions and take risks.

    • I like the idea of taking risks, I don’t know if I take enough, but I want my boys to take them – but not the kind of risks that involve jumping off the garage roof 😉

  • LydiaCLee

    Goal posts. With teens it becomes much shorter. Just trying to keep everyone safe and get them to the next step in life. A friend asked what my eldest wanted to do and I said they had no idea but I was stoked when I heard them say to a teacher at subject selection that they wanted to go to Uni (with no idea as to what they would do there). That’s as far ahead as I now look. No long game, just the next move.

    • I think the game inevitably must change, like parenting changes, the demands on it must change. Not sure how quickly or how short our goal posts will be in the teen years – but I’m staying open minded….love the idea that your eldest knew they wanted to go to Uni, but not necessarily know what they wanted to study there – I think sometimes that is a more responsible attitude x

  • As the parent of 4 teenagers and one adult, our goal posts are all about confidence at the moment. With confidence you can achieve anything and this is what I would like to instill into our children. x

  • Beautiful goal posts. I have one finishing primary and the other in her first year of high school. In addition to the same ones you mentioned a big one for me is self love/acceptance. At an age (high school) where fitting in becomes a temptation I want them to continue on knowing it is important to stay true to who you are.

    • I think this is a goal post we can easily take with us from children, to teens, to adult life – an important goal we should all be mindful of and work into our lives xx

  • Excellent goal posts there. We are all about confidence building for the teens and tween and even the toddler.

    • A teen, a tween and a toddler! Wow that is quite a few goal posts right there 🙂 Confidence is a pretty good one for every one xx

  • I need to take on board one of yours and that’s curiosity… I don’t think my children are nearly as curious as me and I don’t know why… tricky. Some days being the mum of teens seems to be all about just keeping them out of jail… succesful so far, thank goodness. The little ones are so much easier… for all of them at the moment, it’s all about connection, connection, connection.

    • I love connection. It is something I am becoming more and more mindful of. Well done on keeping those teens out of jail :’)

  • I love that you all take such an interest in each other’s special ‘things’. I can tell by reading this that you’re a tight family unit and are so naturally supportive of each other. We encourage the girls’ imagination here and to dream big. We are also building their confidence with things like rock climbing and outdoor activities. It’s all a learning curve 🙂

    • I have been seeing your rock climbing efforts and think it is awesome! Dream big – I like that one Renee, you have given me another goal post to think about xx

  • Denise Mooney

    I love what you said about curiosity. My son is only 3 so it’s early days for me and he is just full of questions. I hope that curiosity stays with him (maybe with slightly fewer questions) I will have to nurture it:-)

    • I hope curiosity never leaves, and all those questions! my goodness it can be exhausting – but imagine they didn’t ask any?

  • I love the idea of fostering my kids’ curiosity. Even if at the moment that revolves around Pokemon go.

    • Pokemon Go has taken over at our place – gosh some of those little guys can be hard to catch! and they run away! Mind boggles how so many families and people have become involved with it 🙂

  • Helen King

    They are really great goals, Josefa, and I think the idea of ‘just being’ is one that I often forget to cherish. Curiosity is one that we do try to foster, but curiosity with kindness – to wonder, but also to wonder why, and wonder how we might help, or direct our curiosity. We’re going through a stage where compassion for others is a key focus, and that’s something we’re really trying to support. It’s lovely.

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