The Kinnie Club

With Every Breath

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I was really looking forward to AJ’s First Holy Communion. It was going to be a very special event in his life and an event that would bring the family all together. Right from the beginning I did not want this celebration to get the better of me. I can often get caught up in party-planning-mode. Starting with the intention to be small and then find that slowly everything escalates and almost feels out of control.

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Simple was my motto. But like most things I do, simple rarely finishes the race without some glitz and glam. So in the lead up it felt like AJ’s communion was going from one thing to the next. One more thing to organise, one more thing to book in, one more thing to plan. At times I wondered why I even did this to myself?

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When the day came I was caught in a whirl wind. Like I was watching through a vintage view master, clicking through one image at a time, waiting for the next moment to appear. Catching my breath as AJ put on his suit and was ready to head out to church. Having hubby lean over during mass and say what a special moment this was. Having all the family over for afternoon tea at our place before going to the reception. Tears in my eyes listening to AJ’s speech. Dancing with my boys. Dancing with my cousin’s little girls. Click-click-click.

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That night as I tucked in an exhausted AJ and PJ into bed was when it hit me. The significance of the day. It was more than AJ celebrating one of his blessed sacraments. More than a family catching up for a night. It was more than a perfectly planned party ready to be shared on Instagram. It was a chance to celebrate my boys.

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Staring down at their faces as they lay asleep in bed. The dim hallway light casting shadows across the walls. I found myself whispering I will celebrate you with every breath. It came over me without expectation. A voice spoken into the still night. I will celebrate you with every breath. Every chance I get.

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It may sound silly or seem obvious, and you can certainly argue that I don’t need an extravagant event to celebrate my boys or even realise how important they are to me. But I don’t live in that world. I live in a world where our days are rushed, non-stop, go-go-go. Simply getting through each day replaces any chance I have to pause and reflect. Days like AJ’s communion hit pause and bring everything to the surface.

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The details don’t matter, the hashtags irrelevant, a lavish party or BBQ at home, a hundred people there or only ten. In the chaos of life, these are the moments that matter. A chance to cherish my boys, cherish how proud I am of them and what incredible people they are.

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I look back on the photographs from the day and want nothing more. The planning, the budgets, the preparations all worth it. I realise now that the voice who spoke into the night as my boys slept was the little voice driving me. It was the voice helping me tie the bows, pack the cakes, arrange the flowers and break in my shoes. A voice that I will always listen to.

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AJ celebrated his communion in a way that honoured his faith, our family, his Maltese traditions and his Greek traditions. A communion of all that matters most to us.

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I will celebrate you with every breath. Every chance I get. Every moment I can. I would lift you up on my shoulders if I could. So you could reach higher than you have dreamed. So that you can believe everything is possible. And I will always be right there beside you, behind you, beneath you. Two hearts forever connected. With every breath.

 

Invitations & paperie: adelphi mou | Cake, cake balls & cookies: Baked by Belinda 
Balloons: Taynelle Party Balloon Designs | Photography: Beckon Media

 

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Catch up on my last blog post Conversations with Disappointment

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