Pieces of Me

Free Falling

Sometimes I wonder just how much control we have over our lives. The scientist in me calls to reason and logic and begs for control over almost everything in our lives, if not everything. But the dreamer in me believes otherwise. This year started with a new mantra. I started this year being open to all possibility. It may seem insignificant, but for me, it means letting go of control and just flowing.

I wholeheartedly believe that I exist in a world where I am part of something greater, something more divine. Call it what you will; God, the Universe, eternal Love, it really doesn’t matter what the name is. For me it means being connected to a greater being and a greater purpose. So, in saying that I am open to all possibility, I guess I was relinquishing what I thought I had control over to that greatness.

So here I am, balancing anxiety, control and possibility. Trying to quieten my mind to allow possibility in and keep the shadows and voices at bay. Is it working? Has anything changed? I think it has. I really feel that the flow of my day, of life, is more organic. It feels as if each day comes with a new path to wind down and so far, even when I think that nothing is going right, it is all going perfectly fine, more so than it did last year, or any year before that.

Free falling

Where I once used to agonise over getting everything done, having everything line up perfectly and super gluing everything down to a rigid timetable, I am slowly realising that the more I let go of, the more that things fall into place on their own, in a way that works and that I can handle. Even falling down the stairs at work a week ago, and dealing with the physical fallout, has let me see that it too was an opportunity, an opportunity to slow down and take stock. And with Operation AJ Birthday only around the corner, I am still getting everything done and even enjoying the process.

Maybe you could argue that letting go is nothing new and that I have not changed. You could say that whether I am open to it or not, life is always full of possibility. I think for me the difference is the way I receive the possibility. I once was only able to see possibility that I wanted, perhaps even only possibility that was lusted for by my ego. Then I shifted to a place where I felt that I deserved possibility. That my hard work, determination and drive deemed me the right to have the possibility, perhaps again only driven by my ego and its need for self worth. Now I feel that I am worth possibility. Not because I am superior to others or because my hard work and persistence is better than others, but because I am connected to, and part of, a greater sense of being and purpose. I am worthy of the possibility that life and the Universe has to offer because it is part of the greater good of life and this existence. I was born with this worth, we all were and I am learning to believe in it again.

I feel as if somehow I am now free falling through my days, where being open to all possibility is something I offer up to the Universe in place of my once cry for help.

Are you free falling through your days?
Do you want, deserve or feel worthy of life’s possibilities?

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