Conversations over Coffee

Conversations with the Wedding Dress

She would swoon over the wedding dresses in the window, coffee cup in hand, as she walked down the small street in her lunch break. A daily ritual. To escape work, to breath in some fresh air. Designers dresses lined up in a row, fairy tales on display. Each one a promise that happily ever after did indeed exist. She would catch herself on some days and wonder ‘Would I plan the same wedding if I was doing it all again today?

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The first time was a fairy tale. A wish come true. It was hardly a leap of faith, but a meticulously planned, calculated, Instagram-worthy event she defined herself by. Or at least she did then. When it was all happening. Now it was a little different. How could it not be, she was a little different. The fairy tale had reached its happily ever after and real life had taken its place.

Part of her feels like if she were to plan her wedding today she would not do a single thing the same. Cut the guest list in half, less even. A small restaurant, not a big fancy reception. Less details, more flowers, no garter. And maybe even a different dress.

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She paused at one of the windows looking in, the cold Melbourne winter air caught the back of her neck, she drew her coat in closer, tighter. The dress in the window was a perfect harmony of lace and silk, clad tight over the mannequin. The soft, delicate veil fell behind the display, cascading onto a table of fresh flowers. ‘More lace,’ she thought to herself. ‘If I was to buy my wedding dress again I would have more lace, a longer, fuller veil, maybe even two dresses – one for the ceremony and one for the small celebration afterwards.’

That is when she stopped. She remembered that girl. The girl she was back then. Full of hope, dreams and light. The girl who hand-in-hand with her mother went into every single one of the shops she peered into from the outside on her lunch break. The girl who tried on every single one of the dresses till she found the perfect one. That girl deserved her wedding day. In all of its meticulously planned, calculated, Instagram-worthy details.

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The two of them were never meant to be the same. That girl and her. They were always meant to grow apart, move on, write a different story. But somewhere, long past time, long past moments, there will always be something that connects them. Maybe there will always be many things that connect them. The dress always will.

In her wardrobe now full of dresses she has worn only once, dresses for other people’s weddings, special occasions and moments that define her life, her wedding dress was the most solemn. The raw silk, hand stitching, Swarovski crystals, pearls and soft, delicate cascading veil are like the thousand pages of a dictionary. Words that all define her.

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The dress was a promise. A promise she made to herself. To always believe, to have faith, to trust in love when all else fails. The sun broke through the clouds, the wind eased enough for her to loosen her grip on the coat she was wrapped in tight. She smiled, catching her reflection in the window. She would do every single thing the same. The dress, the reception, the flowers, the guest list. For every story has a beginning. A beginning we must look back on with respect and grace. Especially when all the other things change.

What conversation would you have with your wedding dress?


Conversations over Coffee returns Tuesday October 25, 2016 (yes we skip next month!)
Conversations with Belief ~ everyone is welcome xx


Thank you to the beautiful brides, Lisa, Rachelle and Josette,
who shared these stunning images of such a special day in each of their lives.

In every image a dream comes true xx


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Linking up with #IBOT
Catch up on my last blog post Mirror, mirror

  • Beautiful post, Josefa and beautiful images. Looking at my wedding dress now, I would have chosen something completely different. I hardly did any research and have never tried on a wedding dress other than my own. Going back in time though, I dare say I’d do the same thing over again 🙂 Funny things aren’t we? x

    • We really are Renee, there are moments where I plan this elaborate alternative wedding in my head, and other days when I wouldn’t change a thing xx

  • LydiaCLee

    That’s lovely. I love the idea of the wedding you’d have now compared to the wedding you’d have then. But of course, I guess it all depends on everyone else’s buy in – would that be the same? Would you still have to accommodate the demands of in laws and parents and a myriad of other people? Then I guss a lot of the wedding would be the same, even if you didn’t want it that way. The dress, at least is your choice alone…I’d probably do it pretty much the same.

    • I never thought of that part, i guess it is easy to do things differently if you only had yourself and your partner to accommodate for, which is often not the case for first weddings 😉 xx

  • I’d probably say “hells bells, did you actually fit me?” Then I would say “thanks for a great night, but why did you let me get so drunk?” then I would say “you really are beautiful you know, you don’t deserve to be hidden away in a box”.

    As for the then and now stuff, I think my wedding dress was the perfect dress for me at that time. I don’t think I would change anything. I would drink less wine at my reception though and I probably wouldn’t go out nightclubbing in the wedding dress afterwards where people danced all over the train.

  • I have never been a ‘dressy/fussy’ girl at all, so my wedding dress was white, of simple A-line and purchased in the bridesmaid’s section of the bridal shop. It was 45 years ago last January. I have never fitted back into it again as I was slight of figure! However, I have kept it, along with the short veil for my granddaughters to play dress-ups. But only one was interested. The thing with me was the I was happy to be getting married to the man I knew I would spend the rest of my life with and the rest of what makes up a wedding was for the organisation of such. I recall bridal shops with my daughter when she was marrying and the first one she tried on, she wasnt 100% off we went to more and more…until she tried to get the original one, but it had gone. Then we sourced a dress which was 2nd hand and needed adjustments and hung at our house until the wedding. She never actually loved the dress and the guy it seemed…as her marriage broke up despite 3 kids around 10 years later. Denyse #teamIBOT

  • Vanessa Connor

    I’ve joined in here for the first time. Beautiful words. I think you look amazing in your dress. It’s funny how people seem to end up choosing a dress that suits them exactly. I love my wedding dress, because my mum made it for me, but it honestly wouldn’t suit me now. But it was what I wanted at the time. I wouldn’t change anything. Well, one of my bridesmaids that I no longer talk to…but that’s another story!

    • I think the fall out of bridal parties is another post (or two) entirely! I’m sure all of us could easily join in with that one too xx

  • Beautiful post, Josefa, I really love it and totally identify with it. I think I would have exactly the same conversation! My dress now hangs in my wardrobe, covered in plastic. I’ll never wear it again but my hope is one day my girls might want to wear it, or use parts of it for something special for themselves or their own children, continuing the story that started in it.

    • I love the idea of dresses being handed down, either as a wedding dress or something else, my mums wedding dress became the christening gown for me, my sister and my two boys!

  • Oh I love these posts – what a beautiful reflection on who you were and who you are now.

  • Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect

    I love that first dress. My dress was plain and if I as to do it again, i would go so relaxed and beachy that suits my personality now.

    • That first dress was and is simply stunning – along with the bride who wore it xx

  • I would most likely say, “I never thought you would leave me with bruises!”

  • TeganMC

    Beautiful. The first two dresses are amazing.

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