I do not know if it is the overwhelming exhaustion that I feel at this time of year. Or the empty sense that a whole year has passed and yet I feel like I have achieved so very little. But each day at the moment feels like I am pushing through concrete.
The days feel longer. The afternoons drag and my productivity and my enthusiasm both drain as the day wears on. Oh I know I made these choices to be this busy, so the consequences are what they are. But I think that the end of year burnout is well and truly kicking in with me.
I see Christmas decorations and knick knacks in the stores and all I can think about are the holidays after Christmas. I receive end of year newsletters about school concerts and carols and all I can think about are the school lunches I do not have to pack for a whole summer. My mind spends most of the day waiting for the next caffeine hit just to get through the next thing on my ‘must-do’ list. I gave up on my ‘to-do’ list by the start of October.
So while I find ways to waste away my days and procrastinate away from the tasks that demand my attention. My nights are the complete opposite. My boys wake me up at the crack of dawn with abounding enthusiasm and energy, so early nights tucked up in bed are what I seem to be indulging in. It seems to be the only thing that I can count on. And getting that good night of sleep the only chance I have of getting through the next day.
Even before we had our boys, my husband and I would often joke that I loved sleep the most in life. Sleep then food. I think that may never change. I sometimes look back on the days when our boys were very little and our nights were just a long stretch of our days and I do not know how we really functioned. I suspect the reason that most of those memories are a blur is because that is what life was like – a blur. Nobody was sleeping, not us, not the babies and so everything became a blur of one moment smeared into the next.
I guess that is what life feels a little like right now – a blur. I am pushing through one task after another. With each task I feel like I am trying to push a boulder up a mountain. I cannot wait for summer; sun, long nights of sleep, no commitments and no deadlines. Maybe the New Year will bring with it some clarity and perhaps a better way of doing things? Either way, I know that the one thing I can always count on to feel better and know that I can get through it all – is a good night sleep.
Do you feel like you are pushing through concrete?
A HUGE kiss and hug to my son AJ, who captured this image of his Mama, amazing to see myself through his eyes x
Disclosure: Pushing through Concrete was written in collaboration with Sleepmaker, who are able to offer you technologically advanced bed systems that ensure the highest standard of product quality and customer satisfaction. Gosh, I’d love a new bed. All opinions expressed are my own.