Pieces of Me

Pushing through Concrete

I do not know if it is the overwhelming exhaustion that I feel at this time of year. Or the empty sense that a whole year has passed and yet I feel like I have achieved so very little. But each day at the moment feels like I am pushing through concrete.

The days feel longer. The afternoons drag and my productivity and my enthusiasm both drain as the day wears on. Oh I know I made these choices to be this busy, so the consequences are what they are. But I think that the end of year burnout is well and truly kicking in with me.

I see Christmas decorations and knick knacks in the stores and all I can think about are the holidays after Christmas. I receive end of year newsletters about school concerts and carols and all I can think about are the school lunches I do not have to pack for a whole summer. My mind spends most of the day waiting for the next caffeine hit just to get through the next thing on my ‘must-do’ list. I gave up on my ‘to-do’ list by the start of October.

Pushing through Concrete

So while I find ways to waste away my days and procrastinate away from the tasks that demand my attention. My nights are the complete opposite. My boys wake me up at the crack of dawn with abounding enthusiasm and energy, so early nights tucked up in bed are what I seem to be indulging in. It seems to be the only thing that I can count on. And getting that good night of sleep the only chance I have of getting through the next day.

Even before we had our boys, my husband and I would often joke that I loved sleep the most in life. Sleep then food. I think that may never change. I sometimes look back on the days when our boys were very little and our nights were just a long stretch of our days and I do not know how we really functioned. I suspect the reason that most of those memories are a blur is because that is what life was like – a blur. Nobody was sleeping, not us, not the babies and so everything became a blur of one moment smeared into the next.

I guess that is what life feels a little like right now – a blur. I am pushing through one task after another. With each task I feel like I am trying to push a boulder up a mountain. I cannot wait for summer; sun, long nights of sleep, no commitments and no deadlines. Maybe the New Year will bring with it some clarity and perhaps a better way of doing things? Either way, I know that the one thing I can always count on to feel better and know that I can get through it all – is a good night sleep.

Do you feel like you are pushing through concrete?

A HUGE kiss and hug to my son AJ, who captured this image of his Mama, amazing to see myself through his eyes x

Disclosure: Pushing through Concrete was written in collaboration with Sleepmaker, who are able to offer you technologically advanced bed systems that ensure the highest standard of product quality and customer satisfaction. Gosh, I’d love a new bed. All opinions expressed are my own.

  • I have no children, but thirteen hour shifts and having just an hour at home morning and night are definitely making me pay the toll at the moment!! I am shattered!

  • Pip

    You are definitely not alone. Pushing through concrete is spot on. Maybe it’s because the finish line is so close, the significance of how much you’ve achieved and worked at suddenly hits you. Nearly there, lovely, nearly there xx

  • Michaela Fox

    Firstly, I think you underestimate how much you have accomplished this year.
    Secondly, you are most definitely not alone in how much you love SLEEP!! x

  • Sometimes I absolutely feel like this. At the moment I do. I am just exhausted and am looking forward to some time off.

  • Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me

    Nice job, AJ. Following in your mumma’s footsteps. I am seriously pushing through concrete too, so much so that I’m struggling to put into words right now what I want to say. Just know that you are not alone. The end of the year will be here before we know it. We can take time out, enjoy each other and start afresh again next year. xx

  • Leanne Winter

    Beautiful photo, A.J. I can relate to everything you’ve said, Josefa. Getting through this time of year is definitely an endurance event. The other day I made a list of lists I need to make – now that’s just ridiculous. x

  • LydiaCLee

    What? What? You feel you haven’t achieved anything? You’ve written a ton of stories, interviewed women and made new friends (or virtual acquaintances). You’ve raised some children, done enough to stay married (I think?) and a myriad of other things to be proud of.
    Well done you. There’s no concrete. You’re just tired, because you’ve done SO MUCH.
    As for Sleepmaker, well done you! This is the first of this type of post I’ve seen here (in Oz), I’m impressed you’ve chosen to go this way – and look, your brand has stuck in my mind with Always Josefa still talking in her own voice…I’m applauding as I type (and AJ, look, you also achieved that!)

    • I really need to stop and reply to this comment, you have well and truly made my day. Your words have really touched me and I cannot thank you enough for your support, not for just this post, but every single one I have written so far. Oh my goodness, wish I could reach out and give you a great big hug, thank you x

      • LydiaCLee

        Was actually wanting to say you’re like a wrecking ball, if you think you are pushing through concrete but that now has pervy connotations, so I’ve lost that metaphor…;)

  • Money Mummy

    Beautiful post and fantastic pic! I think it is a symptom of this time of year…..Hopefully 2014 will bring you new energy Josefa!

  • Agree with Lydia too! Definitely time of year as others have mentioned – busy, but choosing not to allow it to overwhelm me helps.

  • Emma Fahy Davis

    I feel very much like this, in fact I posted yesterday about feeling overwhelmed by things that don’t usually overwhelm me. Great pic, your son obviously inherited his mama’s eye for the lens 🙂

  • He’s got a great eye, that son of yours!! On the concrete note, I think everyone is exhausted at this time of year, when you’re getting enough sleep and you’re still tired, you know it’s chronic. I hope the upcoming hols gets you some added rest. x

  • Annaleis Topham

    Gorgeous pic. I’m trying to take some time out each day so I don’t burn out in the lead up to Christmas as I usually do. I hope you are reenergised over the Summer

  • My husband just finished work for the year today and I’m *hoping* that the blur will start to come into focus a little bit more. We’ll put Josefa, I hope you get a good rest tonight x

  • I must say I am feeling a bit meh about Christmas but I am really looking forward to next year. End of year fatigue is a real killer that’s for sure!

  • Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad

    I get a bit of rising tense-ness towards the end of the year admittedly. Too much running around goes on. Sleep, even if I was getting it, probably wouldn’t be the cure necessarily. It’s just the fever of the season. We all need holidays. Now. Please.

  • I am well and truly burning the candle at both ends and will have to continue to do so for weeks yet, this is the busy time for newspapers and people take holidays so I yes to more work – but it’s trying to find a balance. Sleep, ugh, I really don’t get enough of it 🙁

  • Wow I love that photo taken by you’re son he has the eye. I am sure you have achieved so much in this year. It is most definitely this time of year when everything begins to come to head and we have so much preparation to do and all we want to do is sleep. I love sleep too. Hope you get some relaxing time over the holidays.

  • Emily Morgan

    Sometimes! And I love my sleep and my food too. I often look at my childless sister’s life with envy and nostalgia for what I once had: freedom from responsibility, the option to just stay in bed all day eating and watching TV, no little person needing to be fed, clothed, entertained! But we still love those little bundles madly. I guess life goes on, even through the concrete!

  • Francesca WritesHere

    Very often, unfortunately.
    I hope you got a nice break over the holidays 🙂

  • LydiaCLee

    I thought you’d be interested to know, this post, and our exchange has stuck in the back of my mind all these years. I came back to reread as it struck me this mornin that I felt like this. I came to read what I had said to you to raise yourself out of it. I like this post a lot (not that you felt that way, but that you shared it. It’s all helped me today!)

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