Pieces of Me

Pause and fast forward

It is hard to think that life can be both on pause and on fast forward at the same time. The same two buttons pressed down on the tape deck. But that is how my life feels. My days play out in fast forward almost comically and the same days also linger on pause.

Even as I type out the words they make less and less sense. There is the ceaseless rush through my days. Breakfast, bunnies, school run, work, clean the house, do the washing, tick off things from the list, think about writing, do some writing, dinner, books, bedtime, start again.

Then there is the undeniable pause. The small moments that are suspended and stuck between the ceaseless fast forward. Sometimes it is like I catch a glimpse of them from the corner of my eye. Almost like the moments of pause are real and tangible, frozen ice instants in the corner of the room.

pff_wm

The year is still jazz hands good. There is so much to write about and so much to tell. And this is where I pause. The words lately are like balloons hovering above my head. Hundreds of ideas, feelings, thoughts and emotions trapped in these balloons. Then there is me holding onto the strings, looking up and seeing the words bounce around and float in the air, but not writing the words down.

Something is holding me back. A stark contrast to last year when all I could do was pour my words out and write. More so, I neglected other parts of my life just to write. Perhaps that is my problem. The extreme contrast I seem to dictate my life to. I don’t know. But there is something.

I feel better when I write. The pauses in my day melt. The rush feels insignificant. There is an ease that words alone cannot describe. The words are the antidote to the life that moves around me. You would think that such an antidote would be all consuming, addictive, a rush I would sweep aside most things to get more and more of.

Yet here I am sitting with my moments of pause and falling deep into the fast forward.

  • Loree

    I know the feeling all too well. Perhaps it has to be just so. The only way to pour out the words inside you is to stop and take a pause.

  • I think we need to be careful not to neglect the other parts of our life, otherwise we would have nothing to write about.

  • Listen to your heart. That is all. xxx

  • I feel a bit like that when change is going on. Things are just a bit out of balance and we don’t have the flow we’re used to.

  • I completely get the pause and fast forward. I feel like it’s very much a case of two steps forward and five back at the moment, this includes blogging. Trying to find the happy balance is a work in progress.

  • Tonia Zemek

    Totally hearing you on the pause and fast forward. I often have days where I look up at the clock and it’s 4.30pm but it feels like 9am. Likewise, it’s only April but sometimes it feels like we’re already at December-pace. Really enjoyed this post. (stopping by with #IBOT)

  • Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect

    Feeling this way is normal … Trying to keep a balance, a real balance is one of life’s greatest challenges for many people who have real passion

  • You have articulated this so wonderfully Josefa xo

  • I know exactly what you mean. I clammer for slowness a lot of the time, but usually can’t do anything to stop that fast forward feeling of life when it’s happening.

  • Beautiful hon xxx

  • I feel better when I write too. But when I write the things that need to be written. Living like this, we all understand, and it can be so frustrating. xx

  • I know exactly how you feel. x

  • I feel like my life is stuck on pause and fast forward when I am writing. I get so engrossed I lose track of time – and then realise time has flown by!

    Visiting today from #teamIBOT x

  • Yes, perhaps that is the problem that you gave so much last year that you’ve gone in the other direction this year. I find when you give so much of yourself through writing that it can zap the energy out of you and you do need to take a decent break. I have no doubt that this will pass for you.. Just take each day as it comes, lovely, and it will all become clear x

  • Yes, life can be such a contradiction like you’ve described. Living in the fast forward and the pause. It’s such a beautiful way to articulate it. I get it. I’m living it too and yes writing, when it flows, brings a calmness and beautiful reflective mood that I can get no where else x

  • This is a very good description Josefa – very yin and yang. I have been having writer’s block lately and I’m looking for those moments of pause when I don’t just find myself sinking into my thoughts I can actually express them. For me I think it is finding pause in yoga, and maybe I don’t need to find it so much in writing, or maybe that’s an excuse. I hope you find the balance and the writing flows for you.

  • I can’t wait for more pause moments because at the moment my life seems to be in fast forward motion. Beautifully crafted post yet again. Xx

  • I think you are like me – you get lost in your words and sometimes it feels too adventurous to jump straight in. With the pause and the FF – I have so often found that it seems to happen in reverse. The moments we want to pause are gone in a heartbeat, other moments that feel like forever we would do anything to move along. x

  • TeganMC

    I definitely understand the pause and the fast forward feeling of life at the moment. Some days it feels like I am suspended in place while everyone rushes past. It’s almost like being the not in the bubble.

  • It’s funny; you have put words to exactly what’s going on for me lately, blog-wise. I was going to write a post to this effect (though not nearly as lovely!) this weekend. In past years, blog words poured out of me. This year, I am hesitant. I think a lot less in blog, yes, but even the ideas I have for blog are harder to get down. I think it’s a matter of putting your energy where your goals are. At some point, I made a conscious decision to blog less, and write children’s stories more. Consequently, I am forever thinking of new ideas for children’s stories, and spending A LOT more time doing this. It’s pushed the blogginess out of me, because there’s only so much creative energy to go round. I think if you want to blog more you just have to spend more time doing it, and words will come. Or spend more time doing what you want. x

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