Pieces of Me

Hearts Desires

Each time I have sat down to write the words to describe the narrative of this year, I am at a loss. The words suspended almost, like I am not quite able to reach them, dance with them and put them down to complete my sentences.

The year itself has felt that way for the most part, a year of many questions and few answers. Answers that hover above the ground, fixed in a time space continuum that do not allow me in.

So much has happened this year. The enormity of it escapes and surpasses feeling overwhelmed, as you would expect. Instead all that has happened has drowned in its own magnitude and now feels weightless, in a small way, like none of it ever did happen or even exists at all.

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I am left feeling a deep sense of beginning as this year ends, despite how contradictory that must sound. The feeling of letting the flow of possibility back in and the surrender to that flow.

I once believed that being open to possibility was something akin to a door, a door that you could either open or close. But this year has taught me that possibility is not at all about being open or closed. It is about flow. The flow of your energy, your sense of self, your mind and your hearts desires to that possibility. To breathe and let it flow through you, with you, move you, shake you and surrender you to its infinite greatness.

I end this year thinking about my hearts desires. I imagine an old room, a grand window spanning to the ceiling, two armchairs either side of the window and the afternoon setting sunlight casting shadows across the far wall. I sit on one arm chair and my hearts desires on the other. We sit in the silence of all-knowing. Except I can only catch glimpses of that all-knowing. Tiny fragments that dance off the smile of my hearts desires.

I have spoken about my inner voice many times. An inner voice I seek guidance from, reassurance from and hope from. I am starting to believe that my inner voice and my hearts desires are best friends. Soul mates even. A partnership that if I could completely surrender my ego and let the walls I so dutifully build collapse around me, could open the path to so much more than I can imagine in my capacity now.

In the capacity of all that we can be, I think we allow ourselves the chance to be so very little. The side tracks of life are many, neon road signs and empty promises often entice us and before we know it we are caught up in the mundane, the tedious and the draining. Cutting those ties, ignoring those flashing signs will always offer us so much more.

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I always end the year craving summer. I crave being free from the binds of a routine life that consumes almost all of the year. I can already imagine standing at the water’s edge. Here is where I can allow the connection back into my life, the connection between the Universe, the Earth and me. Standing at the water’s edge it is hard not to believe in endless possibility as I gaze out at the ocean and endless sky.

My mind is already there, my body merely going through the paces to join it in the sun and where feet sink into the sand. Often people say that the best is yet to come, maybe the best is about to happen now. Maybe the best is already happening?

 

Thank you to everyone who has reached out and joined in the community that gathers here. Gathers around my words, my ideas, my silences and my journey as I slowly seek a path that I feel defines me. We make mistakes, we have our triumphs and with each step I only find myself humbled by the respect and support that is shown by all of you. May the festive season bring blessings to you and your family, may you find time to reconnect with the ones you love and find time to reconnect with your own inner voice and hearts desires.

 

 

 

 

 

  • Leanne Shea Langdown

    I love that … “a deep sense of beginning as the year ends”.
    We’ve had a pretty challenging year this year with much illness and life altering diagnoses in our family. But there is light. There is hope. I too feel a deep sense of beginning as this year ends. Well said Josefa.
    Merry Christmas!
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit

  • Wise words to ponder as the year closes in. Thanks for all your thought provoking posts xx

  • I don’t believe we know the best is happening until we can look back on it with a whole. Our job is to soak every moment into our brain so we can savour the memories when we look back and say “I’ve had the best life.” Merry Christmas to you and yours Josefa, and wishing you a brilliant 2015. See you in the new year. xx

  • So many wise and beautiful words. I love that the best is happening right now. That’s a great way to live life, I think, living in the present and making it the best it can be, although it’s always nice to think the best is yet to come, because it’s always good to have something to look forward to. Wishing you holidays full of peace, joy and all good things xx

  • Have a lovely peaceful summer Josefa, full of love and happiness xx

  • Lucy @ Bake Play Smile

    What a lovely post. What a beautiful attitude you have! It was so fantastic meeting you a few weeks ago – you are even more fabulous in person!!! Have a wonderful Christmas! xxx

  • Well said Josefa! As each year draws to a close, I get so excited to see what the next year brings! I get excited about sitting on a beach as well! Have a great Christmas with your loved ones. Will invite you out for coffee and a chat in the new year 🙂

  • What a lovely reflection Josefa. I love you line about how we allow ourselves to be so little in a world of possibilities. That inner voice – if only we could distill it, pure and simple in all its clarity and let it drown out all distractions. Have a lovely Christmas and enjoy your summer break. X

  • Enjoy your ‘free’ time x #TeamIBOT

  • Lovely post Josefa. I’m a little the opposite as I enjoy winter – the sense of hibernation etc. But I really like your notion of the ‘flow’ of possibilities! That’s something I can believe in!

    Deb

  • Beautiful Josefa beautiful imagery and deep inner reflections. I feel similar to you in that I feel stronger at the end of this year. I therefore look forward to beginning the next stage. I hope you have a relaxed and peaceful Christmas. Enjoy. X

  • I’m interested to see what the next few years have for you Josefa. You have always struck me as a person who just follows their hearts desires, so I can’t wait to see even more of that. Have a lovely Christmas and wonderful New Year. xx

  • You have a beautiful way with words Josefa and I too am looking forward to see where your hearts desires lead you to. Have the most amazing Christmas with your family and a brilliant start to 2015. X

  • Absolutely beautiful. I too am already standing in the sand, waiting for my body to join me there and reconnect with myself. Have a wonderful Christmas xx

  • I love the idea of living life intuitively. Listening to your hearts desires/what’s in your gut/what lights your internal fire. As I get older I am learning to do this more and more. It is a long road though and I find it easy to be knocked off track. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog this year. Your words are just magic. Looking forward to reading more of your words and ideas next year. xx

  • Loree

    Have a wonderful Christmas Josefa. As you step into summer, we (hopefully) plunge into winter.. Mulled wine, hot chocolate and mittens come to mind. Right now, they are my heart’s desires; just simple wishes that are easily attained. For 2015 I hope you fulfil all that your heart desires.

  • Hugzilla

    Beautiful post as always, Josefa – you have such elegance and eloquence in your expression. Hoping that you and your family have a wonderful Christmas, and that 2015 is an amazing year for you x

  • It does indeed feel likes beginning, not an end. Happy new beginning to you, dear Josefa. x

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