Nine Months More

I Have A Secret

There has been a lot going in my life, my family and the lives of my friends this year. A spectrum of happy stories and not-so-happy ones.  The one resounding thing I have learnt from the year has been: we are all very good at judging each other.

We all know better. Have the better answer. Make better decisions and all-in-all rock this life thing better than most people. What’s more, we know how to rock the lives of other people better than they do themselves.

Even passing something off as “it is not for me” or “that is just the way it is” is some sort of passive belittling judgement. Sometimes I feel unwillingly submerged in it. Sometimes I find myself nodding along simply because that is how the conversation is going or the only way even the conversation can go.

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It has given me much to think about as scenarios and situations play out in front of me. It has also given me reason to think about the way I manage my parenting. And by manage I really mean, what I share with the world through my blog posts and my articles when it comes to parenting. Lately I don’t want to share so much.

Not because I am afraid of the judgement. But because as my boys get older I am finding it hard to disassociate their story from my story. They are very much intertwined. Which makes me feel that sharing their story may sometimes betray their right to choose to share their story.

As babies I didn’t give the idea of them having a voice a second thought. Which in itself is crazy. Early motherhood, early parenting is all consuming like that. A selfish one-way mirror. But they definitely have a voice now. A voice I am very careful of sharing.

There will be times when I can dissociate the story into two: their side and mine. I will share those moments. Until then I will write about other things. And all the time I will become better, or at least more aware of the judgement. Of friends, of family, of complete strangers on the internet. Of their life, of their parenting, of what they choose to share and how much of that is the whole story.

Be kind: it is simple and works every-single-time. Often you will think you know better. Most of the time you won’t. Often you will think you know the whole story. Most of the time you wouldn’t even know a fraction. So exercise caution and move forward knowing that you can most certainly learn and better your life from the actions of others, but they are not play dough for you to mould. Not even your children.

So that is my secret. I have been slipping more into silence about some things, even when I have volumes to say. For sometimes it is just not my place. It takes a great deal of understanding and self-acceptance to manage that, but it often leads to better things, more than any judgement or knowing better ever will.

Do you share all of your story?
Can we manage judgement better in our lives?

Linking up with #IBOT
Catch up on my last blog post Conversations with Belief

  • It’s a great distinction to make. I only ever tell my story when it comes to blogging. Sure that limits what I can write (and generally I don’t write a lot about parenting), but at least I know it comes from a place of authenticity and I have the full story.

  • I definitely don’t share all of my story. Some things need to be held precious. When my Grandmother died in May, I put pen to paper. I wanted to share her story and her life and how much she meant to us all. My mum and her siblings and everyone around us were grieving so deeply however that I couldn’t bring myself to publish my words. The feelings and emotions were and still are too raw. With regards to my girls, I definitely don’t share EVERYTHING either. As they get older, I am more conscious of their privacy as are you of your boys.

  • LydiaCLee

    I am very mindful of this, and have been from the beginning. I’m pretty open about me (Epiphany is a good example) but I try to be careful when I’m telling stories that involve my kids or partner. Even with photos, as I don’t think they want to be 15 with their whole childhood out there to be made fun of. It makes you work a little harder when trying to write certain things…

  • I share most of my story but not everything. Sometimes I think I should write more about certain things – that people find it useful to read about others’ experiences with depression and so forth, but I think you need to be ready before doing so.

  • THIS resonated. I have so much I “need to share” just to get it out really but I save it for my journal, my loving hub and my professional people in my life. Life for me is NOT as it seems but that is for most of us isn’t it? Thank you for sharing your honesty too.

  • This is something I do need to be careful of as I tend to sometimes overshare. I hope that one day my girls do look back on these early posts like a photo album and hopefully I’ve written about them in a way that they realized they changed me to be a better me and when they are older and have children, they can reflect and resonate with my words. My grandma passed away recently and I wish I could dig deeper into her memories of early motherhood and beyond. How I would treasure reading a diary or a blog for encouragement and wisdom. But I also agree that some things need not be shared and must be kept from public. x

  • I’ve stopped sharing much at all over the last few months. The online space just feels so crowded and busy and noisy, with so many people ‘over-sharing’ just for that shock value… it makes me uncomfortable and I’m having to reassess my priorities and reasons for writing.
    #teamIBOT

  • writeofthemiddle

    I do understand. I don’t share all of my story. My husband made it clear from the beginning that he didn’t want to have his photograph or stuff about him on the internet, and I have chosen to not share recent photographs of my grown up kids on the blog (I sometimes share photos of them when they were little) or write much about them. As for judgement, we all tend to judge people too quickly I think. I like to try and have an open mind and give it time before making judgements. I also try not to let the thoughts that others have influence my own.

  • I share all of my story. I share very little of my children’s stories (and not their photos on my blog/business social media) and nothing of my husband. I have never shared his name or personal details (like Min he was very clear from the beginning ) xx

  • Part of my more mature mindset is that exact idea of buttoning my lips. Your words ” I have been slipping more into silence about some things, even when I have volumes to say” describe me to a T. It’s a wisdom I have picked up along the way.

  • I don’t share all of my story. I like to have some of my life personal, that said, I shared a very personal part of my story today too. My hope is that I can be a little more of myself. x

  • The whole fiasco with that photo sharing site that involved my daughter’s school and her friends made me take a huge step back from the more personal posts. I was asked to share my experiences with the Women’s Weekly but just couldn’t for fear it would bring more negative attention to my daughter and her friends.

    I’ve also been trolled pretty heavily this week and will be taking time off over Christmas to re-evaluate my online time.

  • There is a fine line between stories we wholly own and the stories that intersect with ours. I find that balance hard – and sometimes I retreat into silence on things that I feel deeply about for the same reason.

  • I share a lot of my story and the part of my story that is mine, but not so much (if at all,) of the others that are part of my story, because really it is not my story to tell. I think it’s all about mutual respect. I don’t think that respecting the privacy of our significant others, and indeed, respecting our own privacy doesn’t make make what we share any less authentic or any less real. I like to think as much as the internet is a place to share for everyone, I like a little bit of personal space to share with my nearest and dearest.

  • Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect

    There is a fine line between sharing my life and sharing too much of my kids. I try not to tell anything in particular about them and will generalise my stories. I use to blog with one of my kids but she is no longer interested so the blog has moved in a different direction.

  • I don’t share all my story because it isn’t all mine to share so I am trying to find that balance between sharing and being true to my story and ensuring that I am honouring the privacy to my loved ones in my story xoxo

  • A few years back, while I was working in radio, I would meet people who would tell me they knew all about me and my family from the stories I shared on-air and on my blog. I would just smile. I knew different.

    I was always careful to share enough … but never too much.

    I always knew that while I was completely free to share what I wanted about myself, I wasn’t so free to share as much about my family.

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