Nine Months More

Date Night, Every Night?

We tried to do date night. For years we tried to work out nights when: hubby didn’t have to work late, didn’t have a meeting, I didn’t have work, mum had a free night to watch the boys, it wasn’t clashing with anyone’s timetable, schedule or GoT night.

We would pick somewhere hip young Melbournians were going to. Book a reservation. Pack a bag for the boys. Drop them off. Get ready and boom! We were out the door.

But boom was I tired. All that planning and moving people around to actually go to date night meant that I often started the night pretty exhausted. I was exhausted anyway. Date night did not give me magic powers of feeling refreshed and ready to hit the town. Quite the opposite actually.

And all that planning and moving people around also meant the night started with fairly high expectations. I mean how could it not? It often felt like mountains were moved to get there. So I often wasn’t surprised when those expectations fizzled, usually after the main course.

We always had a good time, always appreciated and valued the time we had to spend together as a couple who once upon a time had nights like this all the time. But it just didn’t fit. It didn’t work for us.

So we ditched date night. Done. Dusted. See you later.

date night_wm

But we needed date night! Well, what we needed was each other. And sure hubby and I live together, under the same roof, raising our boys together. You could say we see each other all the time.

But we needed time that wasn’t talking and washing dishes. Talking and getting the boys ready for soccer. Talking and doing the grocery shopping. And we realized that we needed that time to happen far more often than our once in a blue moon date night.

So we started to do something every day together. Something easy, no fuss, no planning, no moving people across mountains to achieve.

Maybe if hubby and I both worked close by, we could have done lunch together. But we don’t. Maybe if hubby and I were motivated enough, we could have exercised early in the morning together.  But we aren’t.

Instead, we decided that once our boys were in bed, we would disconnect from everything else and watch a show together.

Ok, ok I can hear you all mumble and moan, how can watching television be an opportunity to connect with someone. Well for us it is. We spend that one hour or so chatting, watching, cuddled up together.

We pick shows I like. We pick shows hubby likes. No reservations required.

What is has meant is that instead of working so hard trying to find time to spend together. The expectation now is that we end every night spending time together. Easy.

It is not about being a couple again. It is not about being parents. It is not about being individuals. For us, it is about making things work as a family. This works for us as a family.

Now don’t get me wrong, when opportunity rears its unexpected head we jump on the chance to go out together. Or if there is a special occasion coming up, we certainly do plan for that. Special occasions are different. Unexpected opportunities are even better.

But the grind of date night is gone and I couldn’t recommend it more highly. Give it a try. Pick something you both enjoy together, something at home, something easy, something relaxed, no calendar request or hashtag required.

How do you do date night?

Linking up with #IBOT
Catch up on my last blog post Not My Story

  • I LOVE this idea – I’m so with you wit the exhaustion of planning it all.

  • TeganMC

    I love watching a favourite show with my partner. He had time off in January and we binge watched a few shows together, it was great.

  • This year I’ve tried to not work in the evenings. I want to spend that time with Dave (when he’s not working in the evenings). ATM, we’re really into Married at first sight. It’s good fun cuddling up on the couch and observing the new couples on TV. Dave always has me in stitches with his commentary. I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you x

  • LydiaCLee

    We have started slinking off to the movies together on a Sunday night. A lot of the weekend is with friends or family, so it’s never us alone…

  • Yep, best time of the day is when the kids are in bed and hubby and I can be adults together. Not parents, adults. Although he does tend to fall asleep on the couch!

  • We do a bit of both of these, regular date times and spending time together each day. Working together does make it easier to carve out a bit of time for each other, everyday.

  • We let date night go a while ago apart from a few times a year, but it is something we are bringing back because now we don’t need a babysitter if only going to dinner or a movie. The girls are ok alone for a few hours at night now and we only go within 15 -20 minutes drive of home. So far only done it twice but aiming for monthly now. Watching a show together at home has been our standby. Admittedly one of us often falls asleep though which is why I do want to get us out of the house.

  • Dave and I have been terrible at finding time to have a date night. It happens so very rarely. But every night that he is home we do the same as you, we sit together on the lounge once the girls are in bed and watch something together. Working from home means that I could easily spend my nights sitting at the computer, but I make a conscious effort to switch off and just hang out together in the evenings. I think it’s really important for us. Going out is good, but staying in and just being together is better.
    #teamIBOT

  • I’ve never done a date night the way most people do it. Your new date night sounds very similar to ours. And TV gets a bad rap. We often pause things to talk about it because it gives us ideas or reminds us of things.

  • I LOVE THIS POST! I reckon so many parents can relate to this. Or even couples who don’t have children but have demanding careers or businesses. It can take effort to organize a date night. It really can. I love this concept of having a date night every night. Not sure it’s something we can manage right now, but I reckon it’s something we can try and do more regularly. x

  • I know it’s different for us because we don’t have kids but there’s still lots of things that are the same. We go out a lot with friends so occasionally we’ll go to the movies, breakfast or dinner just by ourselves. Like you, we love the TV although we have agreed to one technology night a month where we don’t use the computers and don’t watch TV. Let’s see how that goes 🙂 I don’t think there’s a “right way” to do date night, the perfect formula is the one that works for you!

  • My husband does shift work which sometimes means we only see each other for 5 minutes in a day – just to exchange quick hellos and kid-related transfers. It is very hard to get couple time! Our last date night was dinner out after a parent/teacher meeting. My Mum babysat for us 🙂

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