Walking into the hospital seven years ago, more so waddling and struggling with the idea that I was about to be induced into the labour of my first child, my mind was awash with so many questions. Questions that played over and over in a cycle stuck on repeat. I had no idea how to become the mother I was about to be. I had no idea how much of me would change that day.
I have talked about the haze of early motherhood, the difficulty of the first night and the many long nights that came after that first one. But I have rarely spoken about how hard it was to love in those early days. The love I had for my boys was an instinct, unconditional, over whelming and all consuming. Yet, it seemed that love drained the love I had for my marriage and myself.
Slowly I am learning that love is everything in life. It is the centre of who we are and why we exist. But for those foggy days of early parenting love felt like it was being lost in my day to day. That love was too hard to manage with sleep deprivation, teething babies and mother guilt. In those early days it really did feel like the marriage and relationship I had with my husband before our boys was disappearing forever.
Then something changed; nothing monumental, nothing stark, just slow, gradual and subtle changes to our day to day. Babies became little boys, sleep came back and what once felt like overwhelming mountains of exhaustion became a memory. That is when the spark came back. Now this was no Hollywood movie scene spark. Just little things that very slowly helped me remember how important love was, the love for my husband and not just my boys. How important the relationship I had with my husband was to me and who I was.
I have grown up in a family where my parents have always worked hard at their relationship. Always emphasising how important loving each other was. That was my rock, something I always knew I could count on and something I wanted for myself. Now it is something I am learning to do again, falling in love with my husband and really making this marriage work.
During those first few years of parenting I thought it was all falling apart. But that was not the case at all. Our love simply changed, I changed and I am learning a new found respect for the love and marriage I have now. Date nights, watching TV together, a glass of wine in bed and actually having conversations not just about parenting.
That is what I want for my boys, to look at our marriage as their rock. To know that the love their mum and dad share is everything they need to count on. To see that love is not lost, but that love changes and is dynamic. And that it is always worth fighting for.
Has the love in your relationship changed since you became parents?
The next Conversations over Coffee link will open on
Thursday March 27, 2014
The theme is Conversations with Expectation ~ everyone is welcome x